Celebrated Criminal Lawyer Says, "Keep Your Fuckin’ Mouth Shut!” When Pulled Over By The Police

It was rush hour and I was caught red-handed violating the car pool lane rules. I knew immediately based on his observations that the cop had enough evidence for any traffic court in any state in the US to convict me. The first thing he said was, “do you you know why I stopped you?” I replied to his question, “I’m sure you’re going to tell me eventually.” I knew he caught me, and I knew that he had evidence, but more than that I also knew he had the unmitigated gall and audacity to expect me to confess to the crime as well. I know our Supreme Court has said that when pulled over in one's own car that Miranda isn't necessary, and that cops don’t have to do any of that regular sort of thing. So, rather than add insult to injury by confessing, I merely gave him a non-answer. He just took my license and walked off in a huff because he didn't get the desired confession.

As a defense attorney I always tell my clients to not talk to the police for any reason. If they have enough evidence then they will arrest you no matter what you say or do. If they don't have enough evidence to arrest you and you talk anyway, you have no reason to complain if they arrest your stupid ass. If they don’t have enough evidence without your confession then they won’t arrest you...unless you open your own pie hole. Why would you willingly decide to put yourself in handcuffs and go directly to jail? No TV dinner, no playing with the kids that evening – go straight to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200. However, don’t misunderstand me. When answering any cop's question be careful to never lie by saying, "No, I’m sure you’re going to tell me..." By in saying "no" you are lying if, in fact, you do know why you are being stopped. Never lie, and always ask for a lawyer. Better to wait for them to tell you what you're being charged with. People ask, “won’t it make me look guilty.” Yes, it will, but that’s why you keep your mouth shut, because they can’t use the fact that you kept your mouth shut against you. Their job is already easy enough.

“Sir, do you know why I stopped you?”
“Officer, I assume you’re going to tell me in a minute.”

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